So, you’re on a mission to find the funniest ‘your mum’ jokes? Maybe you need a quick comeback, a witty remark, or just something to make your friends laugh. Well, congrats—you’ve just hit the jackpot of comedy gold.
This article is packed with the best ‘your mum’ jokes that are clever, funny, and perfect for any situation. Whether you’re looking for classic one-liners, snappy comebacks, or social media-friendly roasts, we’ve got you covered.
Let’s dive in and get those laughs rolling!
Your Mum is So Fat… The Classic Edition
These timeless ‘your mum’ jokes never go out of style.
- Your mum is so fat, when she steps on the scales, they say “one at a time, please!”
- Your mum is so fat, her belly button gets home 15 minutes before she does.
- Your mum is so fat, when she goes to the beach, the tide comes in.
- Your mum is so fat, when she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
- Your mum is so fat, she uses the entire highway as a treadmill.
- Your mum is so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market crashes.
- Your mum is so fat, when she goes camping, bears hide their food.
- Your mum is so fat, NASA mistook her for a new planet.
- Your mum is so fat, when she jumps in the pool, it causes a tsunami warning.
- Your mum is so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
- Your mum is so fat, Google Earth takes up extra storage space just for her.
- Your mum is so fat, when she walks past the TV, you miss three episodes.
- Your mum is so fat, when she fell in love, she broke it.
- Your mum is so fat, she wears a sock on each toe.
- Your mum is so fat, her shadow has stretch marks.
Your Mum is So Dumb… The IQ-Free Zone
For when you need a little extra brainpower to handle her logic.
- Your mum is so dumb, she stared at a cup of orange juice because it said “concentrate.”
- Your mum is so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- Your mum is so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
- Your mum is so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.
- Your mum is so dumb, she tripped over WiFi.
- Your mum is so dumb, she thought a meme was a French dessert.
- Your mum is so dumb, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.
- Your mum is so dumb, she called 911 to order a pizza.
- Your mum is so dumb, she thought Dunkin’ Donuts was a basketball team.
- Your mum is so dumb, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
- Your mum is so dumb, she thought a serial killer was someone who murders breakfast.
- Your mum is so dumb, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.
- Your mum is so dumb, she tried to surf the internet on a real surfboard.
- Your mum is so dumb, she put a ruler next to her bed to measure how long she sleeps.
- Your mum is so dumb, she thought a selfie stick was a lollipop.
Your Mum is So Old… The Time Traveler Edition
She’s been around since dinosaurs had WiFi.
- Your mum is so old, her birth certificate is carved in stone.
- Your mum is so old, her first job was at the original McDonald’s—when it was just a farm.
- Your mum is so old, she owes Jesus $5.
- Your mum is so old, her high school reunion was a cave painting.
- Your mum is so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
- Your mum is so old, she watches TV on a sundial.
- Your mum is so old, she still owes rent for Noah’s Ark.
- Your mum is so old, her social security number is 1.
- Your mum is so old, she walked into a museum and the alarm went off.
- Your mum is so old, her phone number is 3.
- Your mum is so old, her memory is in black and white.
- Your mum is so old, her milk expired in the 1800s.
- Your mum is so old, she babysat Yoda.
- Your mum is so old, her first pet was a T-Rex.
- Your mum is so old, she knew Snapchat before it disappeared.
Your Mum is So Short… The Miniature Roast
Because good things come in small packages—except when they don’t.
- Your mum is so short, she uses a Dorito as a surfboard.
- Your mum is so short, she has to jump to reach the floor.
- Your mum is so short, she limbos under the door.
- Your mum is so short, she went missing in a pothole.
- Your mum is so short, she gets a nosebleed from carpet lint.
- Your mum is so short, she can do push-ups under the bed.
- Your mum is so short, she gets in and out of cars like a roll-on deodorant.
- Your mum is so short, she uses a sock as a sleeping bag.
- Your mum is so short, her reflection looks down at her.
- Your mum is so short, she gets mistaken for a keychain.
- Your mum is so short, she went to see Ant-Man for life advice.
- Your mum is so short, she has to hop on a curb.
- Your mum is so short, her job is painting people’s toenails.
- Your mum is so short, she gets lost in a bathtub.
- Your mum is so short, she pole vaults over speed bumps.
Your Mum is So Ugly… The Eye-Watering Special
Brace yourself—this one’s tough to look at.
- Your mum is so ugly, even her reflection quit.
- Your mum is so ugly, she made an onion cry.
- Your mum is so ugly, when she walked into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.
- Your mum is so ugly, she has to trick-or-treat over the phone.
- Your mum is so ugly, she makes blind kids flinch.
- Your mum is so ugly, her selfies come with a warning label.
- Your mum is so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the mirror looks away.
- Your mum is so ugly, Bigfoot took her picture.
- Your mum is so ugly, her dating app matched her with a scarecrow.
- Your mum is so ugly, her shadow quit.
- Your mum is so ugly, she scares the WiFi signal away.
- Your mum is so ugly, her passport photo got denied for being offensive.
- Your mum is so ugly, she plays peekaboo with security cameras.
- Your mum is so ugly, she turned Medusa to stone.
- Your mum is so ugly, when she goes to the zoo, the animals try to escape.
Your Mum is So Lazy… The Effort-Free Edition
Because even sloths are telling her to pick up the pace.
- Your mum is so lazy, she waits for the toast to butter itself.
- Your mum is so lazy, she stopped walking because the floor wasn’t moving.
- Your mum is so lazy, she watches exercise videos while lying down.
- Your mum is so lazy, she won a “Do Nothing” contest—without entering.
- Your mum is so lazy, she lets her Roomba take her for a walk.
- Your mum is so lazy, she sleeps with a “Do Not Disturb” sign on her forehead.
- Your mum is so lazy, her Fitbit asks if she’s okay.
- Your mum is so lazy, she once took a nap on an escalator.
- Your mum is so lazy, she has a remote for her remote.
- Your mum is so lazy, she orders delivery from the kitchen.
- Your mum is so lazy, she makes Alexa do her stretching.
- Your mum is so lazy, she plays tag by saying “you got me” from the couch.
- Your mum is so lazy, she lets the wind turn her book pages.
- Your mum is so lazy, she uses voice-to-text instead of talking.
- Your mum is so lazy, she sends her dog to fetch her snacks—and the dog trained itself.
Final Words:
Now that you’ve got an arsenal of the best ‘your mum’ jokes, it’s time to spread the laughter! Share these with your friends, drop a few in a group chat, or use them as the ultimate comeback.
