Ever wondered why people search for cannibal jokes? Maybe you’re craving a laugh with a side of dark humor.
Well, youāve found the right place! Whether you’re looking for a joke to roast your friends (pun intended) or just want a taste of something wickedly funny, this collection of cannibal jokes will satisfy your appetite for humor.
Now, letās dig in before someone else does!
Freshly Served One-Liners: Quick Bites of Cannibal Humor
- I tried to make a joke about cannibals, but it just didnāt have enough meat to it.
- Cannibals donāt eat clowns because they taste funny.
- My cannibal friend only eats vegetarians. He says they’re “grass-fed.”
- Cannibals donāt send leftovers homeāthey send missing persons reports.
- I once met a cannibal comedianā¦ his jokes always had a little bite.
- If a cannibal compliments your looks, should you be flattered or scared?
- Cannibals make terrible chefsāevery meal is a family dinner.
- If you canāt beat themā¦ well, the cannibals already thought of that.
- A cannibal went on a dietā¦ he stopped eating cold turkey.
- I tried dating a cannibal once, but she just ghosted meā¦ and then ate the ghost.
- My cannibal friend went vegan. Now he only eats people who do CrossFit.
- What do cannibals consider a well-balanced meal? One person per plate.
- I asked a cannibal for a cooking tipāhe said, “Always start with a handshake.”
- That awkward moment when a cannibal says you look deliciousā¦ and heās not flirting.
- My friend told me cannibals were gross, but I think theyāre just misunderstoodā¦ and well-fed.
Cannibal Comebacks: Savage and Spicy Replies
- Someone: Iād kill for a good steak
Cannibal: Same, but make it a sirloinā¦ of Steve. - Someone: You eat like an animal!
Cannibal: Thanks, I practice on humans. - Someone: Youāre a monster!
Cannibal: Well, technically, Iām an omnivore. - Someone: You wouldnāt eat me, would you?
Cannibal: That dependsā¦ are you free-range? - Someone: I bet you bite.
Cannibal: Only on the first date. - Someone: Youāre sick!
Cannibal: Actually, Iām full. - Someone: You should be arrested!
Cannibal: For what? Fine dining? - Someone: Thatās disgusting!
Cannibal: Says the person eating bacon. - Someone: Youād eat your own kind?!
Cannibal: Havenāt you ever heard of soul food? - Someone: Whatās wrong with you?!
Cannibal: Probably indigestion from my last meal. - Someone: How do you live with yourself?
Cannibal: Mostly with a side of potatoes. - Someone: Whatās your favorite meal?
Cannibal: Fast foodā¦ runners taste the best. - Someone: You need help.
Cannibal: Preferably with seasoning. - Someone: Do you have a guilty pleasure?
Cannibal: Yesā¦ guilt-free eating. - Someone: You need therapy.
Cannibal: Nah, I just need dessert.
Social Media-Friendly Cannibal Jokes for That āBiteā-Sized Humor
- Just had dinner with a cannibalā¦ I was the main course.
- Cannibals make the best friendsāthey never let leftovers go to waste.
- Dating a cannibal is toughā¦ every time I upset him, he just says, “Youāre next.”
- That awkward moment when a cannibal calls you a snack and means it literally.
- Life is short. Especially if youāre friends with a cannibal.
- Ever wonder why cannibals are always smiling? Their meals never complain.
- The secret to a great relationship? Never be with a cannibal during a food shortage.
- A vegetarian friend told me cannibalism is wrong. So I told him he was safe.
- I got invited to a cannibal dinner party. The invite just said “BYOH” (Bring Your Own Human).
- Cannibals donāt need a gym membership. They just eat the weak.
- The best way to avoid a cannibal? Be too spicy for their taste.
- A cannibal opened a restaurant. The motto? “You are what you eat.”
- Zombies eat brains, but cannibals are foodies with higher standards.
- The best horror story? A cookbook written by a cannibal.
- Never trust a chef who winks at you while sharpening his knife.
Workplace Cannibal Jokes: HR Wonāt Like These
- My boss is like a cannibalāalways eating up my free time.
- The office potluck got weird when Jim brought “mystery meat.”
- Our company motto: “Teamwork makes the dream workā¦ unless Dave eats you first.”
- The employee of the month at a cannibalās office? Whoever didnāt get eaten.
- I told my boss I was feeling drained. He said, “Perfect, I prefer my meals with less blood.”
- The breakroom smells weird. Either itās expired leftovers or Dave got promoted to lunch.
- If HR calls you in and licks their lips, run.
- Bob disappeared last weekā¦ but oddly enough, Gregās fridge is always stocked.
- The worst company benefit? Free lunchā¦ provided by last monthās intern.
- Cannibal CEOs donāt downsizeāthey digest.
- New office rule: No discussing lunch while in the same room as a known cannibal.
- The office fridge has a new rule: No human remains past Wednesday.
- “Climbing the corporate ladder” means something very different in a cannibal-run business.
- My boss has a “hands-on” leadership style. No one is sure if thatās a metaphor.
- Team-building exercises got suspiciously intense after Steve went missing.
Date Night With a Cannibal: Love at First Bite
- I thought my date was going well until he asked if I was marinated.
- She said she likes guys with “good taste”ā¦ now Iām scared.
- My Tinder date said heās a “foodie.” Turns out, that was a warning.
- When a cannibal says theyāre falling for you, run.
- She complimented my skin. I donāt think it was a flirt.
- He whispered, “You look delicious.” Thatās not romantic, Greg.
- My date asked if I wanted to be his dinnerā¦ not in a cute way.
- Iām into red flags, but “professional chef” was misleading.
- He ordered steak, rare. Then looked at me.
- My date offered me wineā¦ and a side of Jeff.
- I asked for sushi, he suggested “Steve-shi.”
- Cannibals donāt ghost peopleā¦ they digest them.
- My ex was a cannibal. He said I was too sweet.
- Whatās worse than a bad date? A date that turns into a missing personās case.
- His fridge was empty, but his freezer was suspiciously full.
Cannibals at the Family Dinner Table: Awkward Conversations
- Grandmaās cooking is always a surprise. Sometimes, itās Uncle Bob.
- Thanksgiving with a cannibal? You better not be the turkey.
- My mom told me to clean my plate. Iām scared she meant it literally.
- Dad said, “You are what you eat.” I suddenly donāt trust him.
- The family recipe is a secretā¦ because itās illegal.
- Grandmaās meatloaf is suspiciously homemade.
- When a cannibal family says grace, theyāre just thanking you in advance.
- My cousin went missing last Christmas. Dinner was oddly filling.
- Uncle Joe brought a “plus one”ā¦ then ate them.
- Grandma always says, “Eat up, youāre too skinny.” I take that as a warning.
- The worst family tradition? Dinner roulette.
- At a cannibalās house, leftovers arenāt an option.
- Momās favorite spice? Fear.
- Family reunions get smaller every year.
- Dadās new cookbook is titled, “People Pleasers.”
Conclusion:
Laughed? Cringed? Either way, you survived! Now, go share these jokes before they come back to bite you.
