☠️ 531+ Anthony Jeselnik Jokes That Are Brutally Funny

So, you’ve landed here searching for Anthony Jeselnik jokes—probably because you’re craving that razor-sharp, boundary-pushing wit that leaves you laughing and slightly horrified all at once.

Maybe you typed “fat jokes” into the search bar, hoping for something clever yet merciless, and let me assure you, you’re in the right place.

Jeselnik’s humor is like a perfectly timed punch to the gut—dark, dry, and unapologetic.

Therefore, buckle up, because we’re diving into his world of savage one-liners, reimagined with a playful twist. Moreover,

I’ve sprinkled in some Barbie-inspired zingers to keep things fresh and fun. Let’s get started!

Fat Jokes That Hit Below the Belt

Anthony Jeselnik doesn’t mess around when it comes to weighty topics—pun intended. His style is bold, and his delivery is deadpan perfection. Here’s a collection inspired by his vibe, paired with Barbie’s unexpected sass.

Barbie struts in with a scale and sighs, guess I’ll just weigh my options instead.
Jeselnik smirks, my friend got so fat he needs cheat codes for hide-and-seek.
Barbie flips her hair, I’m not chubby, I’m just a limited-edition collector’s size.
Jeselnik deadpans, I told my date she’s big-boned—turns out it’s all-you-can-eat bones.
Barbie winks, my dreamhouse has a gym, but mirrors are more my workout.
Jeselnik shrugs, obesity runs in my family—nobody runs, though.
Barbie giggles, I’m not overweight, I’m just too fabulous for gravity.
Jeselnik quips, my cousin’s so fat he sat on a quarter and squeezed out a dime.
Barbie pouts, diets are hard when plastic cupcakes look this good.
Jeselnik grins, I love fat people—they’re harder to kidnap.
Barbie twirls, I’m not plump, I’m just puffed up with confidence.
Jeselnik leans in, my gym membership expired faster than my skinny jeans.
Barbie beams, I’m curvy like my convertible—built for the scenic route.
Jeselnik chuckles, fat camp sounds fun until you realize it’s not a buffet.
Barbie shrugs, I’m not big, I’m just Barbie: Extra Glam Edition.

Family Jokes That Cut Deep

Jeselnik’s family humor is savage yet hilarious, often leaving you wondering how he gets away with it. For instance, he turns relatives into punchlines with zero remorse. Here’s the mix.

Barbie waves, my family’s so loud even my dreamhouse needs noise-canceling walls.
Jeselnik smirks, my mom’s so slow she got lapped by a family reunion.
Barbie sighs, my sister borrowed my heels and returned them flats.
Jeselnik nods, my dad’s so fat he needs cheat days from breathing.
Barbie laughs, my cousin’s so clumsy he tripped over my pink carpet.
Jeselnik quips, my grandma’s so old she thinks calories are hugs.
Barbie grins, my aunt’s cooking is why I stick to plastic food.
Jeselnik deadpans, my brother’s so big he’s the family’s built-in eclipse.
Barbie twirls, my uncle says I’m spoiled—hello, I’m Barbie!
Jeselnik shrugs, my sister’s so fat she needs cheat meals for her cheat meals.
Barbie winks, my mom’s so sweet she thinks chubby is a compliment.
Jeselnik chuckles, my family reunion doubled as a buffet stress test.
Barbie beams, my dad’s so tall he calls me short-stack—rude!
Jeselnik grins, my nephew’s so round he rolls faster than he walks.
Barbie pouts, my family’s why I keep the dreamhouse invite-only.

Dating Jokes That Sting Just Right

Romance isn’t safe from Jeselnik’s wit—he skewers love with a smirk. On the other hand, Barbie adds her flirty flair to keep it light.

Barbie flirts, my date said I’m a snack—I said, more like a feast.
Jeselnik smirks, my girlfriend’s so fat she needs cheat codes for Tinder.
Barbie giggles, I dumped him because my dreamhouse has higher standards.
Jeselnik quips, I told her she’s curvy—she said, yeah, like a rollercoaster.
Barbie winks, my boyfriend’s jealous of my curves—plastic beats biceps.
Jeselnik shrugs, my date’s so big she brought her own zip code.
Barbie twirls, I’m not high-maintenance, I’m just a deluxe model.
Jeselnik deadpans, she said she’s big-hearted—I said, that’s not the only thing.
Barbie beams, my ex couldn’t handle all this fabulousness in one package.
Jeselnik grins, my date’s so fat she swiped right with a forklift.
Barbie pouts, he called me chunky—I said, it’s just extra sparkle.
Jeselnik chuckles, I love her curves—they’re like speed bumps for hugs.
Barbie sighs, my date night’s perfect when it’s just me and my mirror.
Jeselnik nods, she’s so big our first date was a two-parter.
Barbie laughs, I’m not clingy, I’m just a full-body accessory.

Food Jokes That Serve Up Laughs

Jeselnik’s take on food is as twisted as his mind, and Barbie’s here to sprinkle some sugar on it. Next, let’s dig in.

Barbie grins, I love food so much my dreamhouse has a snack wing.
Jeselnik smirks, my friend’s so fat he thinks salad is a garnish.
Barbie winks, I’m not overeating, I’m just taste-testing for Ken.
Jeselnik quips, I ate so much I need a cheat day from chewing.
Barbie giggles, my cupcakes are calorie-free—plastic’s the secret ingredient.
Jeselnik shrugs, he’s so big his fork comes with a seatbelt.
Barbie twirls, I’m not greedy, I just deserve double dessert.
Jeselnik deadpans, my diet’s so bad my scale filed for divorce.
Barbie beams, I’m not snacking, I’m fueling my fabulousness.
Jeselnik grins, he’s so fat his buffet plate needs reinforcements.
Barbie pouts, my pizza’s so good I’d marry it if Ken weren’t around.
Jeselnik chuckles, I gained weight just watching the menu.
Barbie sighs, my fridge is my BFF—sorry, Ken!
Jeselnik nods, she’s so big her shadow ate the picnic.
Barbie laughs, I’m not full, I’m just prepping for hibernation chic.

Fitness Jokes That Flex the Funny Bone

Jeselnik doesn’t spare the gym crowd, and Barbie’s here to stretch the humor even further. As a result, it’s a workout for your abs—laughing counts, right?

Barbie struts, my gym’s the dreamhouse runway—cardio’s optional.
Jeselnik smirks, my trainer’s so fat he reps the couch instead.
Barbie winks, I don’t sweat, I sparkle with effort.
Jeselnik quips, I joined a gym—it’s called the fridge door lift.
Barbie giggles, my yoga’s just posing with better lighting.
Jeselnik shrugs, he’s so big his treadmill filed a restraining order.
Barbie twirls, I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving fabulous energy.
Jeselnik deadpans, my workout’s so light I gained muscle watching.
Barbie beams, my squats are just sitting pretty with style.
Jeselnik grins, she’s so fat her Fitbit tracks naps instead.
Barbie pouts, I don’t run—heels weren’t made for that.
Jeselnik chuckles, my gym’s so empty it’s my personal buffet.
Barbie sighs, my abs are there—under a layer of glamour.
Jeselnik nods, he’s so big his warm-up’s a snack break.
Barbie laughs, I’m not unfit, I’m just too cute for burpees.

Self-Deprecating Jokes That Keep It Real

Jeselnik’s not afraid to turn the knife on himself, and Barbie joins in with her own cheeky charm. Finally, here’s the payoff.

Barbie grins, I’m so extra even my shadow needs a diet.
Jeselnik smirks, I’m so fat my mirror filed for unemployment.
Barbie winks, I’m not chubby, I’m just too iconic for size zero.
Jeselnik quips, I gained weight so fast my jeans wrote a breakup song.
Barbie giggles, my dreamhouse scale says fabulous—I believe it.
Jeselnik shrugs, I’m so big my shadow needs its own zip code.
Barbie twirls, I’m not slow, I’m just savoring the spotlight.
Jeselnik deadpans, my diet’s so bad my fridge gave me a pep talk.
Barbie beams, I’m not plump, I’m just puffed up with pizzazz.
Jeselnik grins, I’m so fat my selfie stick needs a crane.
Barbie pouts, my curves are why I’m Barbie: Deluxe Edition.
Jeselnik chuckles, I’m so big my echo has an echo.
Barbie sighs, I’m not heavy, I’m just grounded in glamour.
Jeselnik nods, my waistline’s so wide it’s got its own timezone.
Barbie laughs, I’m not out of shape—round is a shape!

Conclusion:

There you have it—Anthony Jeselnik’s dark humor meets Barbie’s bubbly charm in a mashup that’s as twisted as it is delightful. Hopefully, you’ve chuckled, smirked, or at least raised an eyebrow. Furthermore, why keep the fun to yourself? Share these zingers with your friends, family, or that one coworker who needs a laugh. After all, Jeselnik’s wit is best enjoyed with a crowd—preferably one that doesn’t take itself too seriously. So, what’s your favorite? Drop it in the comments, and let’s keep the hilarity rolling!